i have always known what makes me happy, and yet, i have always done everything to prevent my happiness, and the fact that i have done this one last time in my life and quite possibly lost the one thing in my life i am unnable to lose without tremendous reprocutions is astounding to me, it's obvious to me that i do not, and may never understand life, or the little trinkets of happiness that it beholds apparently lost like a lucky penny in the middle of the ocean, i will always keep my eyes open for that one lucky penny i had my eyes on, i did all i could to protect her, i finally understand the reason the fact that joining the green was the correct decision, she wasn't ready for me at all not at the point of time, and i wasn't ready for her either, maybe one day we'll be ready, maybe we will never be ready, i joined to protect you, maybe it was actually me that i was protecting you from, maybe this will help you hate me for all the reasons you should, to finally see what's good for you. this hurts more than you even know, you should know but you don't, what do you take of that.. never believe i don't love you though, because your you are the building blocks of the wall built around my heart